And so the Wolf, who had devoured the first two little pigs,
ended up as food in the soup of the oldest little pig, Chuck, who had been
smart enough to think ahead and build a brick house, one which would prove to
be impermeable to the destructive forces of nature around him.
After Chuck finished up his dinner of wolf and lentil soup,
he cleared the lonely table and washed his place setting for one. He sat for a while in front of the fire,
proud of his cleverness and ingenuity, and grateful that God had rewarded him
with such a tasty soup. He went to sleep
that night feeling quite gratified. He
had always been taught that God had created pig in his own image, and had given
him dominion over the plants and animals of the Earth. Now he had proof.
The next morning, Chuck woke up in a cold sweat. His sheets were soaked, and he felt cold and
clammy. He struggled to get his aching
body out of bed, and into the bathroom, where he proceeded to vomit for half an
hour. He took his temperature, and it
was 104 degrees. He called his veterinarian,
Dr. Crow, who told him to come in immediately.
Dr. Crow examined Chuck, ran some tests, and finally
informed him, regretfully, that he had a terminal case of the Wolf Virus, for
which there was no known cure. Chuck
became indignant, and angry, cursing the vet and vowing to find someone who
could help him. He looked far and wide,
calling vet after vet, and researching for hours on the internet. He got second, third, and fourth opinions,
but he could not find anyone who could help him. All sources told him that he had an incurable
disease.
Chuck did not accept this fate, however, and decided instead
that he would dedicate his life to finding a cure. He spent the next six months studying day and
night to obtain an associate’s degree with which he could get a job as a
research assistant at the National Wolf Virus Research Center, which was funded
primarily by the Federal Government, General Electric, and Anheuser Busch.
He got a job working for a beautiful sow named Clara, a
brilliant scientist. Chuck worked tirelessly collecting and recording data for
her, and bringing her slop whenever she was hungry. Clara had three piglets at home. Their father had left them to pursue a hot
young gilt shortly after they were born.
She soon took a liking to the Chuck, and sent him non-verbal signal
after non-verbal signal in an attempt to express her feelings. Chuck missed them all.
A year passed, and they had still not found a cure. Chuck decided that Clara was either not
working hard enough, or just not smart enough, so he decided to go to graduate
school and become a scientist himself.
After four years, he got his phD in Biochemistry from Emory, and built
his own research lab out of, you guessed it, brick. He did experiment after experiment, trial
after trial, all to no avail.
One day, he received a telegram that Clara, his old boss,
had died. He began to cry. He thought back to the day he found out he
was sick, and realized it had been over nine years. In that moment, he gave up, and went home.
As he sat in front of the crackling fire in his cozy brick
house, his thoughts began to fade away.
He began to feel as though he was lost in the fire. His connection with his body, and his disease,
began to loosen its grip. As he became
immersed in the playful flickering of the flames, he began to feel as though he
was becoming part of the fire. At that
moment, there was a knock at the door, and Chuck said, in a calm voice, “come
in, it’s open.”
The door opened, and there stood the Big Bad Wolf. Chuck looked up, and suddenly realized the
truth. The two old friends embraced, and
laughed out loud as the walked forth together into the unknown.
No comments:
Post a Comment